


We've lost it all

by apolloxbvcky



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, I cried while writing this, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), i'm sorry i just needed to let this angst go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 00:38:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14581128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apolloxbvcky/pseuds/apolloxbvcky
Summary: Steve has lost his Bucky, and now he's mourning.





	We've lost it all

**Author's Note:**

> it's the first time I post here. If you've read this before, it's probably on my Tumblr (scarletolsens). I hope you enjoy.  
> Beware Infinity War spoilers.

Natasha knocked the door. It was open, but she still did, because she knew what Steve was going through and she knew it didn’t matter how much she tried; if he didn’t want help, it’d be worthless.

Steve looked back at her, and with a nod, he told her to enter.

The woman walked to where her friend was sitting, on the edge of the bed, looking through the window, to the devastated forest Thanos had left behind.

He still hadn’t changed, even though it had been a day already. Between other things he hadn’t done yet, he hadn’t eaten or slept yet.

He had his glove between his hands, the rest of the ashes Bucky had left behind still on it.

Natasha looked at his eyes.

\- How are you, Steve?

Steve chuckled. A sad, broken chuckle, which came from the mouth of a sad, broken man.

\- It could have been worse.

Natasha sighed. She knew what that meant. Steve wasn’t willing to talk, he just wanted the company. She put her hand on his knee. He put his right above hers.

\- I’ve talked to Clint, - she started. - his family is all okay. Scott said they’re too.

\- I guess some people is luckier than others.

Natasha looked at his eyes. They were still blue like the sky, but they had lost all its shine.

If he had been looking bad for the past two years, this was completely worse. He looked bad, but in a different way. Before, he looked bad as in tired. Now, he looked bad as in sad. As in broken. As in lonely. He looked bad as in misery.

\- Do we have any news from Stark? - Steve asked.

\- Not yet. I’ll tell you as soon as we know something.

Steve nodded.

Natasha sighed and hugged him.

\- If there’s something I can do, just tell me, okay? You know I’ll always be here for you.

She stood up, and walked to the door. When she was about to cross it, Steve talked.

\- It was the second time I had to watch him die. And I think it’s been way worse. - She turned around and walked back with his friend, sitting behind him, stroking his arm. - I can’t believe he turned to dust right in front of my eyes and I just couldn’t do anything. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t get to tell him I loved him before he left again. - Tears started to fall from his blue eyes. - I couldn’t save him. I lost him again and it’s all my fault again. Everything that has happened to him was my fault, Natasha.

\- That’s not t…

\- Don’t bullshit me, Romanoff. - he interrupted her. - HYDRA caught him because of me. They made him a monster because of him. He was punished because of me. He became a fugitive because of me. He ended up here in Wakanda because of me. And now he’s dead and it’s because of me; it’s my fault. If I hand’t dragged him to that battle with Tony, if I hadn’t brought him here, maybe he would still be living a peaceful life in Bucarest.

\- That’s not true, Steve. Haven’t you seen the news? Not only the ones who fought died. Half of the population on Earth did. And they said there’s no correlation between them. It was totally random. It’s no one’s fault.

\- If it was totally random, why did it have to be him? Why couldn’t it be me? He didn’t deserve to die. He deserved to finally have a happy life.

\- Steve, stop…

\- Shuri told me he remembered everything. He remembered me completely. Not just flashes. He knew who I was, what we were. And I didn’t have the guts to tell him I loved him. He knew I used to love him and he died without knowing I still do. He saw me kiss Sharon before the battle with Tony and I bet he thought I didn’t love him anymore. If only he had known. If only I had told him. He was the love of my life, Natasha. I just can’t believe he’s gone again. I’ve lost him. I’ve lost it all.

\- We all have lost a lot, Steve.

\- No. This is different. I have lost the only thing remaining from my past. I thought when he would wake up we could… I could retire. We could go back to Brooklyn. Go back to what we were before war. Before it all got messed up. And now look. I’m here in an African country all alone, because I let a stupid purple giant with a fucking glove kill him. - He said, punching the night desk beside him. Natasha flinched.

\- Steve, you need to calm down.

Steve shook his head, standing up. He looked at her.

\- Natasha, I lost him again. What am I going to do?

Natasha stood up too, putting her hands in his broad shoulders.

\- Calm down, Steve. That’s the first thing you need to do. Calm down. It’s okay. Everything will be okay.

\- No. Not without him.

Natasha sighed, hugging her friend. He hugged her back, sobbing into her shoulder. She stroke his head.

She didn’t know what else to do. After all, he was right. They had lost the battle, they had lost lives, they had lost friends, they had lost families. They had lost it all.


End file.
